forever

I took this photo of Ava and Pete on fathers day last year.
Both of our girls adore their dad.

Recently I was in the living room & I could hear Ava talking to Pete in another room.

I heard her ask, “Dad, can people get unmarried?”. I knew when I started having children that as they got older the hard questions would come up. I hoped I would give them answers that are honest and helpful, but at the same time wouldn’t cause them to worry while they are so young. It can be difficult to find the balance.

I heard Pete start to answer her question, letting her know that yes it is possible for people who are married to become unmarried. I felt a little concerned that Ava would be worried that this might happen to us, so I naturally wanted to jump in and assure her that she didn’t need to worry about her dad & I becoming unmarried. I held off. I realised it was a conversation she was having with her dad & I should hold back.

She asked a few more questions about people “unmarrying”, as she called it. Then she asked the question I thought might come next, “Dad, could you and mum unmarry?”. Again I wanted to jump in and say all the things that would take her concern away and make her feel secure that her dad & I would not “unmarry”. I held back, trusting that Pete could handle her questions. I heard him explaining that we love each other and we are a family and that we won’t be getting unmarried.

Soon Ava walked in to the living room. She looked a little bit sad. I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything. She told me how she had been asking Pete about whether or not people can unmarry & that she had asked if her dad & I could unmarry.

At this point the mother in me jumped in and reassured her a second time that even though some people do sometimes need to unmarry, she didn’t have to worry because her dad & I would stay married. She was looking down & she said “I know, dad told me”… then… “I was hoping that you could unmarry because when I grow up… I want to marry dad”.

There it was. The reason behind all her questions about whether or not people could unmarry. She wanted to steal my husband!

In that moment she seemed so innocent. Truly heart broken that the man of her dreams… her dad… was already spoken for. With all her heart she was hoping she could marry her dad one day. Ava told me that she had been talking to her friend M about it & that M was going to marry her own dad when she grew up, so she was hoping she could too. I love that these girls feel so loved by their dads.

In the end Ava settled for the idea that she couldn’t marry Pete because firstly he’s her dad, but secondly he’s already married, however we settled with the agreement that she could live with us forever if she wanted. She loved that idea. For the record I haven’t actually signed anything binding us to that.